I am your Father.

Son or Daughter,

Pleased to meet you! We've been sneaking listens at your heartbeat and you seem pretty strong and smart so far, which makes us happier than you could imagine! So obviously it's time to quit fooling around and set some ground rules. Here they are - obey them!
1) You're not allowed to leave your room for the next six months.
2) Anywhere your mother goes, you stick with her and don't wander!
3) You will eat all the food given to you, even all of your broccoli and brussel sprouts.
4) Because we don't have any shoes that fit your feet, you won't be allowed to play outside, especially because there's so much snow right now.
5) You will put on seven or eight more pounds of muscle, fat, bone, hair, ligaments, tendons, skin, and anything before you're ready for the big leagues.
6) Your mother's bladder is not a soccer ball.
7) If you don't like the colour we paint your room when you're first born, I'll give you a paintbrush and YOU can paint it again whatever color you want.
8) Have fun in there, and we'll see you in a few short months!

Love, Poppa